He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
