So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
