I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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