so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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