the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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