There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
