shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
