For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
