Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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