i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
