I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
