At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
