Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
