Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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