We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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