He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
