why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
