I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
