i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
