Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize