idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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