I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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