Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am available for nakedness
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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