Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
