made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
