After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize