im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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