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On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
