24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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