After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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