I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize