I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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