I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My cat gives me a boner
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
