U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
