so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
