Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my poor anus
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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