i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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