he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
