I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The air was thick with penises
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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