Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you never un-have a 4some
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize