At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
