I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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