I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
