you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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