At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
