Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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