32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
