Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
