i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
