I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
