If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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