12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just had sex bonerless
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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