69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
