i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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