So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
