The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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