i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
