Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
