It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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