Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
