If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
