All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
