It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
