meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
