I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Someone signed my nipple.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
