she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
